Growing Pains.

This year has been a journey of growth. The past few months have undoubtedly challenged me to self-evaluate at a much deeper level through a multitude of things from life events, milestones, and the painstaking process of personal growth. This post highlights how I’ve been navigating this season of change and the often overwhelming progression of life.

Life in general can be capricious, and recently I’ve been overwhelmed by the volatility of it all. The frightening reality of becoming an adult is realising you have to let go, heal, unlearn and relearn things about yourself. Identifying particular behaviours, the way you deal with certain feelings, thoughts and emotions and how to process it all effectively to become a better person, to lead a better life. And that takes work.

This year has been one to remember with the achievement of milestones and goals, but what I hadn’t considered or prepared for was all that comes with it – uncertainty, doubt, the stark realisation of change. I read somewhere about making room for all the things you’ve prayed and worked hard for, so you are ready to benefit wholly from the experience and celebrate your blessings. Making room in my life for all that was happening was tough as the feelings I was experiencing were new and overwhelming. From graduating to embarking on the next stage of my journey and celebrating achievements but also facing the conflicting feelings of sadness, unease and the uncertainty of change was wildly confusing and difficult to overcome.

Being in midst of feeling overwhelmed, the paradox of being happy and sad at the same time and dealing with the emotions that come with that has proven to be difficult. Feeling as though I will be making my way through life with a perpetual feeling of melancholy at every happiness is draining and also alarming. Allowing myself to celebrate and appreciate the joys of life when they are also the very reminders of the parallel sadness my heart carries is an unshakeable thought that I have had to work towards understanding and accepting.

Something I appreciate about Oprah’s SuperSoul Conversations podcast are the intellectually stimulating and thought-provoking discussions, with my most recent fave being the episode featuring Lupita Nyongo’o. They discussed the notion that happiness and sadness will come and go, but you can find balance in accepting things as they come. The topic of low-level joy, the ability to experience change and allowing it to just be was surprisingly clarifying to me and resonated profoundly. It made me realise that my struggle to process what I was feeling was due to my lack of understanding and acceptance of it and that the first step to healing was to address this. Growth is not linear, there are peaks and troughs in almost every single facet of life, but the focus should be on the lessons we learn through each stage.

My faith has been an anchor to me through every experience and continues to hold me steady each day, but it also reminds me that working on understanding and bettering my psychological health is a vital and continuous process. Now as I’m sat here currently writing this and self-reflecting, I feel as though I have finally come out the other side of the emotive haze that was occupying my days, ready to embrace what’s to come with the same prevailing faith and hope that has incessantly kept me going.

Another more positive aspect of personal growth for me was comprehending the abundance of blessings in life that I have been so fortunate to receive, with one of the biggest being love. I want to mention my gratitude for the people that have offered their unwavering love and support through every season of my life, especially when I have needed it the most. Kind souls with open hearts who have always been a source of comfort, compassion and love. Thank you for your willingness to listen, to understand and for allowing me to be heard. Thank you for loving me as I am. Thank you for being one of the best parts of my life and simply, for being you.

Ending this post with appreciation for the growing pains that have prepared me for the closing of one chapter and the beginning of another.